It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
