we made out on top of his cat.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
