He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
