he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
