You're my little dorito
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
