i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
