fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
