The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
