im about as happy as oj after his trial
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
