We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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