The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
