we're blogging at a bar
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
