I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
