you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
