fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
