I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
