Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
