Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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