My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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