Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
