I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
