just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
