Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
