you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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