You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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