I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I know her cup size but not her name....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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