Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
