You can't special order awesome
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
