Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
