Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
