I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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