OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
