i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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