i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
