He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
