Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
