Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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