He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
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