i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
