peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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