Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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