Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
