He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
