he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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