FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
