I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
