youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
