even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
