Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
