Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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