I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
