The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
where are my eyebrows?
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