what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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