dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
