I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
