Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
